Instant Regret

My parents were divorced when I was 5 years old. I never got a chance to ask the questions I wanted to ask. Most of the time I was brushed off because I was either too young to understand or too old to be thinking about things that happened so long ago. A while back I wrote my father a letter, I let him know that if he wanted to have a relationship with me then the best thing to do would be to be candid about his mistakes and pitfalls throughout life.

Sooooo today, I was returning a phone call from my father and I decided to ask him some of those questions. What was the woman you left my mom for like? Have you seen her lately? When did you regret your decision to leave us? He responded to the last question "instantly". His response caught me instantly off guard. A simple answer but there was so much truth in his voice I couldn't even question it. He told me that he felt helpless because he let so many things blind him. He was blinded until he lost what was most important.

My father is 57 years old. I've seen him and my mother date and try to have relationships with other men. It's sad that they are absolutely perfect for one another. My mother has convinced herself that she is better without him but never finding happiness in another man. She only smiles and really laughs when she reminisces about the 15 years that her and my father were married. My father on the other hand has had relationships and children but never getting over the fact that he lost time and his family chasing something that he never found.

"Instantly" rang over and over in my head. "Instantly" created a barrier that won't allow me to give up on my family so easily. If I would instantly regret a decision that would change the lives of my wife and my children it deserves tons of thought. The amount of thought that couldn't be found in the time it takes to drive a woman home from a club. The time is takes to put on a condom? The 10-20 minutes it takes to climax? Is it worth instant regret. I would guess not! But, as a man my only hope is to busy myself with bettering myself. My only hope is to love my family more than I love myself. "Instant Regret" is too large of a price.